the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i believe in u and ur pee
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
