Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Randomize
