he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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