fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
