I wish I only lived at night.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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