physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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