I'm gonna have a badass scar
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
