I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
