you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
