you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
