She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
