her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
