the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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