Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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