we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
