She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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