It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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