Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
