i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
