just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
