your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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