I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
