I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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