I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
