I think im going to throw up on grandma
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
