She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
