dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
