So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
