you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
