I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
