god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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