Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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