Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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