she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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