I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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