She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
