This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
