So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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