I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
