sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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