you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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