Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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