Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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