Nicole vs. Life
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
