god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
