and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
