I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
