you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
