There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
