I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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