Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
